Okay girls, we’ve all had them. These are the guys that we spend time with in between our major love relationships. They serve as a bridge from breaking up, making up, or new love.

Frequently they are the guys that we consider to be “friends”, but who have a deeper interest in us. Oh, come on, don’t lie or try to fool yourself, your lunch time buddy at work who always wants you to meet up with him for a drinkie poo after work and listens to all your cares and concerns about your romantic misadventures is frequently one of these “friends” and may well be lending an ear to get closer to some of YOUR body parts.

Or he’s the guy you met on the internet dating service that looks great on paper, (or online), but just doesn’t have that “chemistry” we need.

Sometimes he’s the guy that chases and pursues us when our egos are bruised and eventually we just give in because hell, it feels good to be appreciated.

But just the same, a key ingredient to the potion that causes us to “fall in love” is missing.

We’re out there.

We’re accepting that our relationship with our beloved is over and we are moving on.

Remember, the term “Transitional Man” applies to that gentleman whom we are dating, casually, but not likely to form a permanent relationship with because although he may be a great guy, he’s just not in possession of the qualities that we need.

A mistake women frequently make while utilizing the growth period of “transition between relationships” is to try to force a round peg into a square hole and make a “Transitional Man” into the “Significant Other”.

Oh, I’ve done it myself.

After my divorce back in 1992 I dated, with full intent of only allowing the guy to be Mr. Transition a fellow that I KNEW was all wrong for me. He was the extreme opposite of my ex-husband, and very irresponsible in his lifestyle, he was also the extreme opposite of me, but, unfortunately, I just let myself become “comfortable” with him as I was too lazy to move on and I ended up wasting five years in a relationship that should have expired after about six months.

Why did I allow this to happen?

Well, I was a newly divorced single mother with two preschoolers, almost impossible to get out and meet new people as I was struggling to survive, let alone afford a babysitter on any kind of regular basis, and this was pre-internet dating (boy, I sure would’ve shopped around more had that been available), and I kind of just “settled” for keeping company with him.

It was easy.

He would come to my house when I couldn’t come out.

He would eat my food.

He would watch my TV.

He would use anything I had around the house for his own comfort and convenience.

What he DIDN’T do was get a job.

He DIDN’T help me with the kids.

He DIDN’T grow up and behave responsibly.

I noticed, but I didn’t care because it staved off loneliness, and as I said, it was easy.

While he lay around at his mother’s house during the day collecting workmen’s compensation for an injury that should have been a day or two off (he still doesn’t work by the way), I was out building my career as an Operations Manager at a Printing Corporation AND paying top dollar for daycare and babysitting.

When I came home from work he would somehow manage to show up at my house right around the time dinner was being served and mooch a free meal.

He was kind to my kids, but more like a big, Baby Huey than a father figure.

I never let him sleep over because of my children, so he was gone by eleven at night.

Was he committed? Well, it depends on your definition. Exclusive physically to me, yes, Committed, NO!!!

So anyway, one day, while I was purchasing my home in 1996 (by myself, for me and my kids), I realized that I had got caught up and trapped in transition! I had never moved forward successfully into a new and healthy relationship with a new partner, I had just stayed “in transition” for five years. Had I been in a truly committed relationship I wouldn’t be buying a home by myself, I would’ve been buying it with a life partner.

I ended it that week.

The way I should have handled that situation was that I should have, after a six month period, realized that I was not in love with this guy, I was just comfortable with his company and living by the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Anthem of “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”.

I never truly loved that guy.

I liked him.

I was not physically, chemically or sexually attracted to him, but exposing myself to his company over time allowed him to “grow on me”, (like a fungus), so that I did bond to him, but I never loved him.

He did not have the same type of life goals as me, he did not have any ambition, and he did not match well with me in any area except that of enjoying spending leisure time together (hell, all he had was leisure time).

So the lesson here is, while you are in between relationships, or just recently coming out of a relationship, please be sure to use your time with a “Transitional Man” wisely and learn to RECOGNIZE that the guy’s purpose in your life may not be to become your life partner, but just to keep you company for a little while until you DO find your next Significant Other.

When that little sick feeling inside you comes up when you are wondering if the guy is right for you, listen to it, don’t ignore it, and don’t just let things ride because they are comfortable and familiar, step back and choose wisely. Don’t be afraid to end it with your “Transitional Man”. Every man you date IS NOT a potential life mate, they are few in number and they will not evoke that sick “should I keep seeing this guy even though he hasn’t had a job in six months” feeling.

In my case, my irresponsible transitional man made me feel youthful again at the age of twenty-nine after my marriage to my ex-husband had made me feel like I was a century old, and I got charmed by his sheer lack of responsibility to the world, even though I was an extremely responsible woman. What I didn’t realize was that he had no responsibility to me, either, and I needed someone who would choose to be responsible to me as well. I did find him, but hell, I kissed a lot of frogs that were passing through.

Is your current guy just a “Transitional Man” or is he “The Real Thing”.

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